


I love you most

by ouma4v3



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Anxiety, Character Death, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Drug Abuse, Everyone Has Trauma, Fluff and Angst, Good and sad, Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Nervous Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Trauma, bunch of dark stuff sorry, but its good, but still lots of fluff, its sad, kinda friends and then luvers, kinda slow burn, they all go to school together n stuff, theyre all pretty different from the killing game, this takes place after the killing game but everyone is still together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:21:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25856557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouma4v3/pseuds/ouma4v3
Summary: The killing game has ended, yet no one is dead. The future foundation helps these broken kids become whole again.Ouma Kokichi is not the person he was in the game. Saihara Shuichi wants to save him.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi & Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 111





	1. alive

**Author's Note:**

> hii this is my first work on ao3!! any trigger warnings will be put here before each chapter!! enjoy! :)
> 
> TW for panic attacks and mentions of death.

**Saihara Shuichi** shoots up from where he lays. With anxious eyes and a clouded mind he looks around the room he's in.

 _'where the hell am i?'_ He thinks to himself.

Its dark, he sits up a bit and attempts to focus, but is distraught the moment he feels a sharp pain tug at his arm. His eyes shoot down to come across a needle, an IV, that seems to be stuck in his skin. Shuichi panics, reaching down to rip the foreign object out of his arm, but stops when the room becomes quickly flooded with a bright light.

After a moment of eyes adjusting and breathing slowing down, he notices hes in a hospital room. Its white and sterile, and only then he realizes the medical smell of the room.

Again beginning to panic and fiddle with the IV in his arm, he notices someone come in from the corner of his eye.

"P-please dont do that!" The unknown voice is small and squeaky, his head turns sharply to discover who spoke.

Its a small girl, shes thin and short, with uneven purple hair. her outfit seems to be a bit too risque for an apparent nurse, and clean white bandages wrap her arm and leg. She wears a nervous smile with squinted eyes and impressively large pupils. 

_'Is she about to cry?_ ' Shuchi ponders.

"Tsumiki, its fine. I'll speak to him, thank you." 

Shuichi sees a young looking man come from behind the small girl. She quickly leaves the room. He attempts to watch and discover where she leaves to, yet his eyes are struggling to adjust to the light. He continues to panic, breaths heavy and head aching, though for a reason he doesn't know, he listens.

"Hi Saihara. My name is **Makoto Naegi**. How are you feeling?"

Shuichi doesn't know whether to trust the voice, or rip the medicine out and run. He tries his best to calm down when a thought hits him.

"Maki! And Yumeno! Where are my friends?"

"Your friends are okay, Saihara, there's a lot i need to explain to you, mind if i sit?" The man points towards a chair in the corner of the room, hesitantly, Shuicihi nods in approval.

"First off, I already introduced myself, but to repeat, my name is Makoto Naegi. I am a member of the future foundation. We are the ones that got you out of the killing game." Shocked, Shuichi raises his eyebrows, mouth agape. 

"T-the killing game?"

It took the small boy a moment to recall what he was talking about, his brain seemed to be attempting to block the traumatic memories that flooded his life during the game.

Makoto nods, proceeding. " **Your friends are alive**. Some are in better condition than others. All of them. Not just Harukawa and Yumeno."

_"What?"_

"All of them are alive, Saihara."

Shuichi takes a second to absorb this information. Shocked, he cant perceive it. He saw his friends die. He felt the pain of losing everyone. Kaede, Kaito, Oma. He felt all of it. It was real. The guilt, the depression, the despair of it all. It was something that tore apart at him every second. The feeling of giving his friends their death sentences, it was.. 

It was real, _right?_

"Saihara, breathe,"

It was then Shuicihi realized he was panicking, He gripped the white linen sheets of the hospital bed and struggled to get a deep breath in. His thoughts were filling with memories of the game. Monokuma, The monocubs, Clair De lune, ultimate's, the flashback lights, Iruma's inventions, Ouma's lies, Gokuhara's bugs.

_He killed them all._

"Oh _God_ ," Shuichi sobs. His vision is going fuzzy and he cant breathe. The boy wraps his hands in his hair and pulls, keeping his eyes squeezed shut and his chest feels heavy. Eventually his hands clench up from the lack of oxygen, and he cant move. Shuichi is stuck shaking with his hands in his hair and his legs pulled tightly to his chest. He hears their voices, the piano, the laughter, the sobbing, the trial music, the refutes. He cant get rid of it. He's stuck. _He killed them all. He killed his friends_.

Shuichi's eyes shoot open for a moment. He sees the nurse from before begin fumbling with his IV, Makoto says something but its unheard. Slowly the boy grows tired, his eyes feel heavy. Its only a moment before he's back where he started. 

Asleep.

-

When he awakes again, his head is clearer. He's aware of the conversation him and Makoto had before, he's aware of where he is, and he's aware of the person sitting in the chair in front of him. 

Shuichi shoots up, trying to make sense of who it is. Finally, his mind clears. 

"Maki..." He whispers. 

"Maki!"

The snoozing girl snaps up to a wide awake Shuichi Saihara. With tears in her eyes, she runs over to the bed.

"Oh Shuichi!" She gleams. "You're awake! Finally! Took you three days to wake up!" Shuichi had never seen the girl so bubbly before. He smiles a dazed, yet happy smile, and hugs the girl so, so tightly. 

"Kaitos alive, and he's awake! Everyone else is too! We did it Shuichi! We made it." The girl cries. 

Shuichi cries alongside her. 

For the first time in a very long time, he feels no despair at all. Its simply love, hope, and excitement. 

"Hold on! I'll go grab Makoto and we'll get you out of this bed!"

Shuichi hesitates when the girl leaves the room, but his chest is filled with relief when shes running back in with a frazzled Makoto behind her. He gives the boy a smile, and a quick welcome back, before calling in the nurse and removing his IV. 

The first thing Shuichi does is hop out of the bed, only to collapse and fall back. He lands easily on the soft mattress, and lets out a small groan of frustration.

Maki laughs, "Happened to me too. You need to take it slow, gain your composure and try again."

The boy smiles at this, and stands again quietly, leaning on the Ultimate for support.

On their walk to out of the room, their conversation is filled with laughter and excitement. According to Maki, More than half the class was already awake and walking about. Some were awake and still in their rooms, needing more time to rest than the others, and one was still out, with no current sign of awaking.

That made an odd sense to Shuichi. Depending on the severity of their death, the more time needed to awaken.

The boy shudders at that thought, negativity almost flooding him again. That is, until warm arms are wrapped around him and a laughter fills his ears.

"Shuichi Saihara! Tell me you didn't forget **Kaito Momota** , Luminary of the stars!"

Ah, so that's who it is.

Pulling back, Shuichi smiles. His vision is filled with a bright purple character. His best friend, the feisty Momota. He gives the taller boy another tight hug, and they talk for a moment, catching up and thinking about the past.

With tears filling his eyes once more he looks around. Maki had brought the boy to the main hall of the building, where nearly a dozen people were together. 

He recognized Yonaga, chatting with Chabashira and Yumeno. Gokuhara, sharing a meal with Hoshi, and Tojo asking to take their plates. Some of the others were speckled around the room, but there were a few missing.

Amami, Shirogane, Shinguji, Kaede and Ouma.

Someone begins tickling his back, causing him to flinch. He turns around sharply to only find a smiling blonde looking up at him.

**Kaede Akamatsu.**

"Kaede!" The boy cries out. They wrap each other in a tight hug, smiling.

"I missed you, dummy! I was so sad when i found out you weren't up yet. Its about time!"

"I missed you too, Kaede. More than you'll ever know." 

The small blonde smiles at this, there's a soft gleam in her eyes and Shuichi is finally able to take in a deep breath. He's curious if everyone remembers the full events of the game. Does everyone hate him now? Will Kaede and Amami get along? Where the hell is Shirogane?

"What are you thinking about?" The blonde asks. Shuichi ponders on how to answer this. He doesn't want to hurt anyone, or make anyone worry, but the questions are eating him up. 

"Do you remember everything that happened?" He whispers.

Kaede's smile drops a bit from hearing this.

She pushes a blonde lock of hair behind her ears, and gives a small smile before responding.

"Yeah," she nods, "we all do. Amami's awake, i went and spoke to him before anyone else. We're okay. He understands, thankfully. But we're all struggling right now. I can still feel the-" she lightly puts her hands around her neck before continuing, "the, you know." Shuichi frowns.

"But its over now!" She gives a bright smile and the gleam in her eye returns. "We have hope. And a fresh start. And we have all of our memories before the game too! So i think it'll be okay." 

The relief of seeing the hope return through her helps Shuichi decide not to mention it when Kaede subconsciously averts her eyes around her and messes with her neck. 

The trauma his friends are currently feeling is something the boy never considered would be a problem. To be fair, he assumed they were dead. This reminds him to speak with Makoto about this.

Nonetheless, despite all the despair Shuichi had felt during the game, he allowed himself to enjoy the time with his friends. For a moment, the voices that constantly nagged him were silent, and he sat and talked with his friends in peace.

Shuichi had true hope for the very first time.


	2. lanyards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i luv kokichi in this story lets all give him a round of applause for existing.
> 
> TW non-graphic suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts/idealization, intrusive thoughts and self harm.

**Ouma Kokichi** slowly opens his eyes. 

There's a warm yellow light flooding the room in which he stays. With more study he notices a wide window, the shutter is open, which allows a peaceful breeze to sit in the room. He takes in a deep breath, placing his hand on his chest as it rises and suppresses slowly. It smells like summer and life. His eyes flutter a bit more as he shifts his weight onto his back. He's confused, but quite peaceful. The small boy shuts his eyes for a moment and allows himself to sink into the bed, letting the warm air of the room lay like a blanket over his sore frame. It's at this moment the boy finally sits up and allows his thoughts to begin processing. White couch, small table with flowers, closed door, IV, Large open window. He notices his white clothes placed gently over the arm of the sterile looking chair, but a faint surprise crosses his face when he notices something else. 

A black hat sits atop a checkerboard bandana.

Confused, he ponders where it must have come from. After a silent moment, a flood of memories appear in his brain. 

-

_Kokichi knocks quietly on the door. After a moment it opens slowly, revealing a disheveled Saihara Shuichi._

_The taller boys face crosses with a mix of confusion and surprise._

_"Ouma? What are you doing here?"_

_Kokichi gives a wide smile, pushing past Shuichi and into his bedroom._

_"H-Hey!" The detective calls._

_"Hi Saihara~ I wanted to talk about something!" He announces as he sits comfortably on Shuichi's bed._

_"Um, alright?" It comes off as more of a question, and the purple haired boy lets out a giggle._

_"Well, I wanted to say, I'm madly in love with you and you're my boyfriend now!" Shuichi's face flushes, and he cant find the words to respond._

_"That was a lie!" Ouma finishes._

_With a more serious tone, Kokichi continues. "Actually, I wanted to say thank you for helping everyone during the trials and everything. We'd all be dead if those idiots ran the show! I mean," The small boy takes a second to think, "you're a really good detective, y'know? I think i found the way to end the game. I trust that you'll figure you the truth, Saihara."_

_Now even more confused than before, Shuichi raises an eyebrow, "what are you going on about Ouma?"_

_Kokichi lets out a heavy breath, trying to piece his sentences together in the most ominous way possible._

_"You're the smartest one in here, Saihara. Some shits about to go down. I need to trust that you can finish what i'm about to start. Can you do that?"_

_Shuichi nods._

_"And tell Harukawa i'm sorry."_

_The detective cocks his head to the side, beginning to feel frustrated. His eyes follow as Ouma stands up to leave._

_"What are you talking about? Is this just another lie?"_

_Kokichi reaches the door, opening it. He turns his head and gives Saihara a sad smile._

_"Goodnight, Shuichi."_

_He shuts the door and walks to his room. Before opening his door, he pulls an object out of his shirt._

_Approaching his bed, he turns off the dim lamp, giving a small grin as the light fades from the room. He lays down, wrapping himself in his sheets, feeling no true warmth radiate from them._

_The small boy shuts his eyes, clutching the hat he stole from Saihara's room the entirety of his last night._

_-_

Kokichi shakes his head, attempting to rid the called upon thoughts from his mind. He has more important thinks to focus on, for example..

_Am I alive?_

Kokichi ponders this thought for a moment. With an unnervingly shaky hand, he places it against his small chest. Feeling the rhythmic heartbeat causes his stomach to turn. He gives his skin a small pinch, pain filling the spot. He frowns as it begins to flush a light pink tone.

_Ah, I am alive. Fuck this._

The small boy pulls the IV out of his arm with ease, not even allowing himself to flinch at the feeling of the needle. He stands up, feeling slightly out of touch with his legs. Giving himself a moment to adjust, he skips, which is more of a painful hobble, his way over to the open window.

Its quite low to the ground, which strongly contrasts the height of the building he's in. He doesn't allow himself to think, the only thing he's certain of is that he _does not want to be here_. With this thought in mind, he begins to throw his aching leg over the window sill. The moment he hears footsteps down the hall he rolls his eyes. He's sure he must look insane. His hair feels greasy and ratty, and his pupils are probably dilated to hell, yet he continues to lift himself unto the window, smiling as the warm breeze contrasts his cold skin. 

Preparing himself to jump, he groans as a pair of strong arms wrap tightly around his small frame, pulling him back with one swift movement.

_Are you fucking joking?_

He's quickly carried back to his bed by the stranger, and he puts up no fight other than wrapping his arms against his chest and pouting. The man places Kokichi back in his bed gently, and finally the boy can learn the identity of the one who ruined his day. 

"Put your lip back in your mouth, its unbecoming. Also, congratulations, you're now on suicide watch." 

Kokichi stops pouting, and says nothing. He sits expectantly for the man to name himself, say something interesting, or leave.

"Ouma Kokichi, you are alive. My name is **Byakuya Togami** , I'm a part of the Future Foundation. We are the ones who got you out of the killing game. Makoto will explain that with everyone later, but for now all you need to know is that you're alive, this is real, all your friends are alive and awake, and you're safe here. We're going to help you all with the therapy, education, and other things you need for the time being. Any questions?"

Kokichi lets out an airy laugh at this. He's annoyed, sure, but he does have one pressing question. 

"W-wheres Sai-saihar-ra?"

The boy surprises himself with the sound of his voice. The stutter was unexpected, and he sounded fragile and weak. This upset him. Byakuya seemed surprised at this as well, yet chose to ignore it. 

"All of your friends are in the dining hall, I assume he is too. Would you like to go out?"

At this moment Kokichi noticed how faint he felt. The boy was starving, and had a headache he'd die to work off. Besides this, he nods, moving to stand up off the bed.

Byakuya raises a thin finger, undeniable judgement in his face. He reaches into the desk besides the bed and pulls out a red lanyard.

"W-what is this?" He asks with a tilted head and wide smile.

"You're on suicide watch now. You have to wear this so the other members can keep an eye on you." There are various degrees of concern written across the blondes face, and he watches as Kokichi's smile fades and the small boy rolls his eyes dramatically.

He snatches the lanyard from the taller mans hand and throws it over his neck.

* * *

Kokichi walked hesitantly into the dining hall with no expectation of what was to come. He fiddled gently with the lanyard, and kept his head low. He didn't have any friends in the game, which he understood was his fault. 

Maybe that's why he was so surprised to look up and see **Gokuhara Gonta** Smiling brightly in front of him. With wide eyes Ouma lifted his head upward, trying his hardest to return the smile the gentle giant projected. 

"Ouma! Gonta very happy you're okay!" 

It only took these few words to cause Kokichi's eyes to water. He was confused towards this set of emotions. After growing so used to acting heartless in the game, the boy felt vulnerable with all these feelings expressing themselves without his consent. He gave an honest smile towards Gokuhara, and a small wave.

_"I-I'm so s-sorry, Gokuhara."_ Those are the only words Kokichi could get out without collapsing into a fit of sobs and despair. He continued to stare back at the tall man with wide, childlike eyes. 

"Dont be sorry! Gonta forgive Ouma! Gentlemen always forgive their friends." 

It was a short response, but Kokichi felt an overpowering weight release from his chest, and this relief was mixed with shock at that term.

"F-Friend?"

Gonta nodded.

The tall man directed Kokichi towards the table he sat at, and he was given nothing but warm smiles and 'welcome back!''s. Confused, the supreme leader sat down, returning the smiles.

_You look like a fucking idiot._

_Fuck off_

He got rid of the smile. 

Until, "Ouma!" A bubbly voice shouts from behind him. He whips his head around to discover the voice, finding it belongs to the forever energetic **Akamastu Kaede.**

He gives a quick wave, and the girl comes up to give him a hug. 

"You doing okay? You're the last one to wake up!" Her eyes glance down at the red lanyard around his small neck and gives a small frown. She hugs him a bit tighter after this, and though Kokichi is rolling his eyes, he wont deny that the affection was needed.

God, he felt so fucking touch starved. Feeling the girls warm arms wrapped around his small frame nearly made him collapse. He held on to her for a minute, before releasing and being greeted by a soft smile. She sat down next to him at the table, and they all began to talk. Kokichi took this moment to doze off a bit. It was then he realized he had no current concept of time, unknown to what day it is, what time it is, how long he was asleep, or when the game ended.

_The game._

Kokichi hadn't allowed himself to really think about the game or its events other than for a small moment that morning. He hadn't realized his brain pounding with questions and memories, and the small boy felt a wave of white hot guilt rush over him. He thought about Iruma and Gonta, and how he killed both of them. He thought about Momota, and how he killed him too. He thought about his death. The ice cold feeling of the press on his frail back, his body begging him to _move, get out of the way, do something._

But he didn't. He stayed still and watched as the press crushed his body into an unrecognizable mess that Kokichi could only describe as feeling how his head feels right now.

The boy would be lying if he said he wasn't traumatized by what happened. The person he was in the game felt unfamiliar and far away. He yearned to go back to his previous mindset, making jokes and lying and disassociating from everyone. But unfortunately, it felt that all he could currently do was disassociate from himself. This caused his garbled mind to take another route,

where the hell was Saihara?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i deadass spent over three hours writing that little first bit. anyways sorry this isnt very good im just trying to let everyone get an idea of the characters and how ive rewritten them! the actual plot will begin building in the upcoming chapters ;)))


	3. meeting again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long absence!! i’ve had a lot of pretty crappy stuff going on and i haven’t had the chance to update. :(( but here you go!!!
> 
> SEVERE TW!!!   
>  drug abuse, self harm, overdose, vomit, language.

Shuichi Saihara sat alone at a desk. He had his hands placed delicately under his chin, knees crossed, and eyes tightly shut. The boy swore the rush of the blood in his white hot veins and the booming beats of his pulse were audible around the empty room he sat in. After an abundance of anxiety bursts, the dark hair boy only wanted to find somewhere quiet to sit and breathe. Quickly he found what looked to be a math classroom, based on the “inspirational” algebraic quotes on the walls. He had stumbled in and sat down, now completely oblivious to the time or day. And unfortunately, this mathematical haven was short lived, as he began to hear the door rattle and then open.

Irritated, the boy opens his eyes and shifts them to the side in an attempt to see who was invading his safe space. His eyes softened though, as he noticed the blonde hair and bright smile of akamatsu kaede. She gives him a quiet hello, to then sit in the closest desk to him. He hadn't realized how dim the room was, or how dark it was outside. 'how long have I been sitting here?'

"You okay?" The blonde asks quietly.

Saihara shrugs at this, ever since Monday, his brain had been all over the place. It had been four days. Four days since Saihara awoke in the cold, icy hospital bed, and his entire life, or what was left of it, got all shaken up and disarranged. Calamity had followed. Students getting into fights, his friends being on and off daily suicide watch, Yumeno being stuck in the ICU for the willfully ignorant attempt on her life, Chabashira staying in bed for three days, he could go on. There hadn't been a single moment of peace in the four days Saihara had been awake. Alcohol had somehow found its way into the building, causing every night to seemingly last hours upon hours. He didn't hesitate to join them, wanting just as bad to drown out his pain with glass and another round of 7 minutes in heaven. Saihara had wanted nothing more than to stop feeling everything he felt, and he would do whatever he needed to, to get the voices in his head to stop picking apart his already aching synapses.

Akamatsu waits with a concerned glare in her eye. 

"You haven't seen Ouma yet, right?" the detective's heart speeds up at the name. 

"I have no fucking desire to see the piece of shit that is Ouma Kokichi." 

Shuichi hadn't forgotten everything that had happened with Ouma, feeling betrayed and distrusted, he quickly let his anger cloud his judgment as he spoke with the blonde.

Akamatsu tilts her head down, resting her hand under her chin and inspects the detectives eyes. They’re dark, she notices, and empty. They seem cold, its giving her goosebumps. She quickly blows the hair out of her face, before tucking a golden lock behind her hair. 

"Hes on suicide watch, still. He has been since he woke up, you know. 

Shuichi's heart hurts.

"Tough. It's what he deserves."

He doesnt mean that.

"You dont mean that."

He doesnt.

"Whatever."

The pianist sighs at this, lowering her shoulders in an attempt to release the strain in her back. Saihara noticed the dark bags under her eyes and how her golden hair seemed more messy than usual. He decided not to comment on this.

Quickly, the girl stands up.

"I know you don't mean that stuff, Saihara. And i'll do my best not to blame you for it, but don't go around saying that shit, you hear me? Ouma’s our friend, just like how you’re mine. He suffered in there too and he’s an entirely different person out here. So are you. So maybe go talk to him before you start saying stuff like that.”

Her eyes are clouded with a hazy wave of sadness and hurt, Shuichi nods and waits as Akamtsu leaves the room.

Putting his hands on his head and pulling at his hair, “fuck,” he whispers.

  
  


Ouma Kokichi stood with his arms placed onto the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He pulled the skin under his eyes down, messing with it for no particular reason, and occasionally fumbled with the red lanyard around his neck. He could hear the music booming, all the students had gathered in the game hall.They were drinking and laughing and acting like complete idiots. The boy had left earlier, hiding out in the bathroom after a small anxiety attack approached him. With his hands still shaking, he took them away from the sink and allowed his body to sink to the floor. He reached in his pocket, pulling out an assortment of drugs. He tilted his head a bit, Amami had given these to him earlier, insisting on calming his nerves. Xanax, molly, he forgot the names of the rest, but he liked how those sounded. Quickly he popped two of the bars into his mouth, before adding a third. He took a small sip of his drink, which left a burning sensation in his throat.

The purple haired boy never cared much for alcohol, but recently he had found a new appreciation for hard liquor. It made his head feel hazy and for a moment he didnt worry about Saihara, or the game, or the hat. He felt just a brief moment of peace.

Peace. With that in mind he took a handful more of what he remembered to be xanax, and threw a couple exos in, just for good measure. Still sitting on the floor, it didnt take long for his body to feel really, really light. He let out a small grin, every time he touched his own body he swore little sparks arose from deep under his skin. 

After what felt like hours of sitting on the floor with nothing but pills spread on the floor and a smile, the bathroom door opened. Kokichi thought he locked it, but in the midst of his panic, Kokichi thought wrong. He hazily looked up, only to find none other than a gaping Saihara Shuichi. 

At this point, Oumas brain decided to stop reacting normally in situations that could be described as unfortunate, so he attempted to hop up in excitement, only to stumble and fall back to the cold tile. Saihara sighs at this, noticing the abundance of pills flooding the floor, and decides to take a seat next to the smaller boy.

“How high are you, Ouma?”

Saihara glanced at the red lanyard around the leaders neck. Guilt of what he previously said flooded his body. It felt so brash. Ouma was so pale, and the red was so embarrassingly bright. 

Kokichi’s heart began to race. After not hearing Saiharas voice in so long, it felt soothing to his ears to hear the detective speak. And for him to speak his name, the boy was nearly delirious. 

“I’m fi~ine Saihara-chan! See, i’m speaking just fine!”

Confused, the black haired boy tilts his head at Ouma, none of the students ever used honorifics with eachother, and hearing the small boy use them was odd. 

“Why chan?” 

Kokichi gleams, letting out a wide smile and sticking his tongue between his teeth. 

“‘Cus it’s cute!” 

The leader watches as Saihara rolls his eyes, wanting to shrink back and disappear. He wondered how long it had been since he took the drugs. His head hurt. 

“Sorry, thawasembarrasin.” 

Kokichi felt really light. Too light, at this point. He could feel his vision blurring out, and Shuichis voice became further and further away. He wanted it to stay, he wanted to keep hearing him speak. 

“We have a lot to talk about, Ouma. But i don’t want to talk about it when you’re off your ass like this. Sit up, you’re embarrassing yourself.”

Ouma didn’t respond, and he didn’t sit up. Instead his head began falling until it hit the detectives shoulder. 

Flustered, Saihara attempted to shake the smaller boy off of him. He huffed, reaching out to touch the side of the others face to push him away. Cold. Kokichi felt very, very cold. 

“Ouma? What the hell? Get off me. Ouma?”

The leaders body slid down the wall and onto the floor. He was shaking, and this is when Saihara began to panic. 

He slapped the small boys face lightly, attempting to get him to come to. 

“What’swroongSai-chan~~” the boy slurred. 

“Fuck,” Shuichi whispers. Earlier that week, a group of the students stumbled upon Yumeno in the midst of an overdose, he recognized the signs. 

“Sick.” the younger one whispered, before proceeding to turn over and throw up on the cold tile of the bathroom floor. Shuichi gasped, standing and attempting to drag Kokichi’s light body over to the bathtub. 

“Goddamn it Ouma, what the hell were you thinking?” 

Kokichi had completely stopped responding at this point. Panic filled Saihara’s body, and the immediate urge to save Ouma overtook. He ripped off the vomit covered shirt that draped over Kokichi’s small body, to reveal a sliced stomach. Shuichi had realized three things at this point. One, he had been holding his breath for God knows how long, two, he was sobbing. 

He shoved his fingers down Kokichis throat in attempt to get him to throw up the pills. Not working, he tried again. 

Three, he’d been screaming for help for the past five minutes. 

Finally, finally someone came in. Shuichi didn’t know who it was, and he continued screaming until invisible hands took Kokichi from where he sat in his lap. 

The water was running, Saihara was sobbing, it was cold, pills were crushed all over the floor, the detective was covered in vomit and mushy xanax. 

He doesn’t remember how, but he went to bed clean that night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for that super depressing chapter. sad moods call for venting through fictional characters you feel?


End file.
